Saturday, April 28, 2007

Pathetic

i have become out of tune
grown cold to this shore
desires are strewn
like coins of a crack-whore

the sky isn't blue
it isn't more or less
i won't remember you
in my death

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Swallow

I've always suspected it
But now I know...
Swallow
The hard knot of indifference
Swallow.
Wallow
in the imaginary dirt of exclusive pride
Wallow
in the quagmire of dreams
Hollow
turned out this ridiculous ride
Hollow
and unexpected in its destination
Follow
the arrow that points nowhere
Follow
until you reach the final break
and raise your eyes in awe
as the
Swallow
circles the air
above the lake.

That existence....

that existence
that dim yellow light
and the cracked linoleum of the kitchen floor
upon which I learnt the art of palmistry
I knew I knew I knew
it would all come back
sweep me
swirl me
spit me out
to face it again
in the absurd clarity
that dim yellow light
that yellow existence
in that yellow yellow absurd
of escape that never ever happened
with that yellow liquid
pouring down the red gullet
and making everything everything black
what did you think night (haJ?)black night
no black black oblivion

that existence that dim yellow light
and the cracked skull
what did you think
that it would end dull
or that it would all continue
into one endless
formless void(?!)
where you dissolve into lack of pain
no longer avoid
the inevitable
face
it
place
who gives a shit
where…
must you know(?)
must you know(?)
NY NY
or
Moscow
what’s the difference
where you lose hope
where you lose life
where all you can utter is a bellow
that existence
that dim yellow light
so yellow
so GODDAMNyellow

Friday, April 20, 2007

Hopelessness

Gideon’s – no, not the Bible—
Bakery – in front
Puerto Ricans in fancy cars
and behind despair – multiplied by hope
Every breath,
every loss
like a rope around my neck getting tighter
What shall I do?
Give up which one of my presents?
Clench upon which gnawed out teeth?
It’s tense and hard
Hard and swollen
like once the child inside me
that I flushed
And breathed again with hopelessness

For C.M -- An American Poem

She died from alcohol poisoning
on a train
going nowhere from somewhere
wanted by all
loved by no one
Alone.
Only her dog howled for her somewhere in Maine
The dog knew --
the time for enduring pain
is OVER
The modern-day Delilah
will no longer hover
over the phantoms
of hollow men
and pretend that they are Samson.
She will no longer make
these hollow men
into phantoms
untill they can
no longer stand the weight of her ghost
and run
for something more objectified.
Something easier to handle and grab.
Stab!
Stab the illusion!
they would wail as she counted losses.
One -- gone
Two -- gone
Three -- gone
And so on.
Until it's over and done.
A blanketed body
on a train car
and conductor muttering:
She didn't call or scream.
Just this wrinkled note:
If I drown tonight,
Look for me upstream....

Wednesday, March 7, 2007

Wednesday

A bottle hidden from everyone’s eyes
and my own solitude disconcerting,
butchering me into inedible pieces.
I always sit in the kitchen –
what’s the difference where—
Moscow, New York
swallowing the sour liquid
until the erect stork
called anxiety
breaks its skinny legs
and crumbles inside me
dissolves in the drink
What platitude!
I think as I recall my life
Hard core tragedy and softcore porn.
Daisies adorn the windowsill
As my head lowers
and my brains spill.

Tuesday, March 6, 2007

Late Night Honesty

i don't have a child
i don't have a husband
i don't have a job
all my exes are angry at me
for betraying or berating them
i don't have my youth
i don't have a goal
all i've got is this black and white truth
and this red, red shawl.
Where are you
as the last snow of winter
bleeds into the earth
licking along the garbage and the
lonely remnants of dirt
Where are you
as feet trample over
the corpses of rats and pigeons
and the taxis yellow and blind
sweep past like lesions
full of pus
Where are you
as I get old like you
and just as desperate
Where are you
as the daily pain
slashes and cuts through
and leaves you
rambling rambling mad
as life shifts away and
stands naked –
away and apart
indifferently going further
farther farther
Where are you
Father